A place to call someone else’s home!
When Life Takes Everything—Start an HOA
Founded in the aftermath of a particularly devastating divorce hearing, Rembrandt Land & Retirement Living began when one man lost everything—except 80 acres of remote land and a deep desire to enforce rules no one asked for. Rather than rebuild quietly, he created an HOA, ensuring no one else would ever enjoy complete freedom on his property again. Today, Rembrandt stands as a testament to resilience, pettiness, and the healing power of restrictive covenants.
Where rules matter more than relationships.
What began as a coping mechanism quickly evolved into a fully codified community, complete with layered restrictions, selectively enforced policies, and an overwhelming desire to control what little remained under his name.
Here at Rembrandt, emotions are secondary to enforcement. Relationships may fail—but bylaws are forever.
Our rates
Camping
Rates are from check in times of 8:00 am with checkout time by 4:30 am next day. Any checkouts past 4:30 am will results in HOA fine of 50% total camping rate.
1 night | $192 | (2 nights will discount walking path use)
Cabin Rentals
Cabin rentals are from 8:00 am to 2:30 am the next day. Any checkouts past 2:30 am will result in damage deposit fees being held.
1 night | $2,398 | $11,400 Damage Deposit Required at Booking
Gun Rentals / Target Shooting
Guns come with 1 bullet only. Additional bullets will be sold at $129 per bullet.
1 gun | $200/hr | Suicides done within cabin rentals will result in 2X damage deposit charges. (new paint jobs will be invoiced to family members)
Fire Talk with Disgruntled Divorcee
In-person only, this session helps alleviate pain and treat various physical, mental, and emotional conditions.
60 mins | $1250 | Cell phone’s must be handed to listener. Any crying phone calls made to X partner will result in immediate end to session.
Check your insurance.
We usually take many commonly known insurances.
We will not let you stay if you do not have your own insurance in place!