We do offer camping spots—but don’t expect luxury. These lots are primitive, unserviced, and intentionally distant from anything resembling convenience. Campers are expected to follow all HOA regulations, including noise restrictions, fire bans that change without notice, and strict limitations on the number of decorative lawn items (including flags, gnomes, or "fun"). If you're seeking a carefree camping experience, this is not it. Our land is shared. Your presence is tolerated.

Our cabins are available for short-term rental, though we strongly advise you consider elsewhere. While technically functional, they are governed by the same strict HOA policies as the rest of the property—including curfews, appliance restrictions, and mandatory adherence to the 42-item cleanliness checklist upon checkout. Guests are expected to bring their own bedding, firewood, sense of obedience, and a full understanding that noise, pets, fun, and unregistered visitors are not welcome. If you're looking for a relaxing getaway, this isn’t it. If you're looking to be monitored and micromanaged in the woods—welcome home.

That depends on your definition of "fun." Organized activities are rare, often poorly attended, and usually end in disagreement. Past events include a failed birdhouse-building workshop, a potluck that turned into a food poisoning incident, and a community game night that was permanently cancelled due to excessive yelling during charades. Informal activities like walking quietly, re-reading the bylaws, or filing complaints about your neighbors are always available. Spontaneous fun is discouraged. Scheduled fun is heavily monitored.

We recommend booking at least 6 months in advance, though approval is not guaranteed. All bookings are subject to HOA review, weather-based speculation, and whether or not your name appears on any of our informal internal watchlists. Short-notice bookings may be considered, but only if you agree to a non-refundable security deposit, a personal interview, and a background check that includes social media screening. The sooner you book, the longer we have to decide if we actually want you here.